Chinese Betrothal Ceremony Guide: How Much Is Customary? And When Should the Bride’s Family Present Their Return Gifts?

The Chinese Betrothal Ceremony is a pivotal part of the traditional "Three Letters and Six Rites", serving as the formal presentation of gifts. It symbolises the groom's sincere commitment in his proposal to the bride's family. However, in response to modern needs, many couples are now choosing the "Everything-Included" red packet (Bao Luo Wan You Li Shi) to simplify the Chinese Betrothal Ceremony process. Want to know the going rate for this special red packet, the requirements for the bride's family's return gifts, and the related timeline? We will break it down piece by piece to help you easily complete this crucial pre-wedding ritual.

What is the "Everything-Included" Red Packet (Bao Luo Wan You Li Shi)?

The "Everything-Included" red packet is the ideal choice for a streamlined, modern Chinese Betrothal Ceremony. It is used to replace the physical gifts that are often cumbersome to source for the traditional ceremony and is different in nature from the actual formal betrothal gift money. In the formal, traditional Chinese Betrothal Ceremony, the groom’s family must prepare a variety of items, including coconuts, dried seafood, sweets, tea leaves, and offerings of meat. For modern urban dwellers, gathering all these items can be troublesome and inconvenient. Therefore, the "Everything-Included" red packet was developed as a cash substitute to directly cover some or all of these gifts. Large red packets with the words "Bao Luo Wan You Li Shi" printed on them are readily available for purchase, making the process very convenient.

What is the Customary Amount for the "Everything-Included" Red Packet?

Admittedly, the financial capacity of every couple is different, and one should not be strictly bound by a fixed "going rate." The amount should be based on personal means, and most importantly, agreed upon by both families. The amount for the "Everything-Included" red packet is generally similar to the formal betrothal gift money, usually a four-figure sum, chosen for auspicious meaning. Common amounts for the "Everything-Included" red packet include:

$6,888 (The number six symbolises endless flow, and eight is for prosperity)
$8,888 (Four eights for ultimate prosperity)
$18,888 (Certain prosperity, sure to be prosperous)
$28,888 (Easy prosperity, easy to be prosperous)
$38,888 (Life/Growth, prosperity and endless prosperity)
In addition to financial ability, the following factors are also worth considering when determining the amount for the "Everything-Included" red packet:
Scope of Gifts Covered: If the red packet covers fewer of the traditional gifts, the amount can be adjusted downwards accordingly.
Mutual Agreement: It is highly recommended that both the bride and groom's families discuss and agree on the amount in advance to avoid any conflict over money.

What Should the Bride's Family Include in the Return Gifts?

Upon receiving the Chinese Betrothal Ceremony gifts from the groom's family, the bride's family must prepare return gifts to express respect and gratitude. The main elements include:

Half the amount of the "Everything-Included" red packet / an auspicious number (if the red packet replaced all physical gifts). For the betrothal gift money, a separate red packet can be prepared, containing half the amount of the gift money / or half the amount plus an auspicious number as the final digit.

If other physical gifts were exchanged, the following return gifts can be arranged:

Dragon and Phoenix Wedding Cakes (available at Kee Wah Bakery)
Traditional Chinese Wedding Cakes or Cake Vouchers (available at Kee Wah Bakery)
Return Tea Ceremony Gifts (even number): Tea leaves (available at Kee Wah Bakery), Double Happiness large steamed buns, Double Happiness red packets, deep-fried glutinous rice balls (Jian Dui), and steamed sponge cake (Song Gao).
Gift for the Groom (can be substituted with a "Groom's Gold" or "Clothing Allowance" red packet): Face towels (according to the number of the groom’s close relatives), a suit or trousers, a belt, a wallet (with money inside), socks, and shoes.
The mother-in-law should also specifically prepare a suit, a pair of shoes, two pairs of socks, a belt, trousers, a wallet, and a set of celebratory towels, or substitute these with a "Groom's Gold" red packet.
Auspicious Plants: Double Happiness lotus root, pomegranates, kumquats, prosperity taro, taro leaves, ginger for adding sons, cypress leaves, and fresh pomelo leaves.
Half of the other Chinese Betrothal Ceremony gifts (such as the fruit basket, dried seafood, red wine, etc.).

When Should the Bride's Family Give the Return Gifts?

The return gifts must be completed on the same day as the Chinese Betrothal Ceremony; there should be no delay. The specific timeline is as follows:

Morning: The groom’s family selects an auspicious time to deliver the Chinese Betrothal Ceremony gifts to the bride’s home.
Around Noon: The bride’s family receives the gifts and confirms the inventory.
Afternoon: The bride’s family prepares the return gifts and hands them over to the groom’s family to take back.
Before Evening: The Chinese Betrothal Ceremony is officially completed.

Whether you choose the traditional or the simplified version of the Chinese Betrothal Ceremony and return gift exchange, the key lies in sincerity and thoughtfulness. As long as both families prepare with a heartfelt intention, this culturally rich ritual is sure to bring a beautiful beginning to the couple’s married life.